Aftermath
by Rurouni Tsuki
Summary: Post HBP. Snape, Lupin, Malfoy, and McGonagall reflect back on the recent tragedy and look ahead to the future. UPDATED Chapter 2 Lupin: Isn't it Beautiful?
1. By Myself

A/N: This story will consist of four chapters, each one visiting the thoughts of one of four of the characters in the HP series (These characters being, in this order: Snape, Lupin, Malfoy, and McGonagall.) Do not, and I repeat, **do not** read this story unless you've read HBP. Major plot spoilers abound. Also, I do not own the series nor the lyrics. This said, enjoy.

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_I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin  
__I make the right moves but I'm lost within  
__I put on my daily façade but then  
__I just end up getting hurt again  
__By myself  
__I ask why but in my mind I find  
__**I can't rely on myself**  
_"By Myself"-Linkin Park  
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What have I done?

The thought continues to echo as I race through the dark forest, the thumping, uneven footfalls of Draco behind me. I know he is exhausted; we have been running since the fight at the castle, however we cannot stop. We are not out of danger yet. When we reach the clearing, he will be safe- just as Narcissa wished. I, however, will never be safe. All because of two words. Two words that kept me alive and killed him. Any believer in Darwinism would say that that is how it was meant to be. After all, survival belongs to the fittest.

This is not survival of the fittest. This is murder. And I am guilty of it.

The whole school will know by now, I'm sure. Nothing ever says secret there for long. They all know by now that their beloved, senile, muggleborn-loving twit of a headmaster is dead and their evil and most hated Potions Master is the one responsible for the heinous deed. They will sob on each other's shoulders and inform one another that they were certain, from the moment they set eyes on me, that I would, of course, turn out to be evil. The whole school, nay the world, will morn his loss.

Congratulations, Severus. Bet you now hold the record for the most lives affected by one murder.

What have I _done?_

He was so convinced, too, that I was his lapdog, his pet Death Eater. That was never true. When I began to teach at Hogwarts so many years ago, it was under the Dark Lord's orders. When he died, or perhaps the better word is disappeared, I remained at Hogwarts, so as not to arouse suspicion. I despised teaching, hating most students in general. However, as Dumbledore put his neck on the line for me, desperately attempting to keep me from Azkaban, I realized the service I owed the old man. I kept my position, reasoning (more to reassure my self more than anything) that the information that I might gather during my time spent at that school would be invaluable should the Dark Lord return. As loyal a servant I was to the Dark Lord during that time, I did not wish to see him rise again.

Severus Snape serves no one, except, perhaps, his own interests. Even if **I can't rely on myself** all the time.

My obvious lack of interest in finding the Dark Lord suggested to many of my fellow companions that I might not have been the most loyal of Death Eaters back in the day. The Lestrange woman, for one, doubted my loyalty. She said it to me openly the day Narcissa… the day she…

_What have I done?_

All she wanted was to protect Draco. As much as my students might hate it, I do have friends. Narcissa Malfoy is one of them. She came to me in her time of need and begged me to help her son. And I took the Unbreakable Vow for two reasons. Draco is like a son to me. I would do anything in my power to protect the poor child, thrust into a future he barely understands.

However, the main reason I took the oath was that, if I did not… my cover for Dumbledore would have been blown.

I worked at Hogwarts for thirteen years, and during that time I somehow (against my will, of course) managed to build up, not only respect, but **trust** in my colleagues. When Dumbledore informed me two years ago that I needed to return to my job as a spy, I was faced with a terrible decision.

Which side?

As I looked around the hospital that day, at all those expectant eyes upon me, I knew precisely what side I wanted to be on in the end. However, things did not work out as planned…

_What have I **done**?_

Tonight, I murdered Albus Dumbledore, the one man to ever show me an ounce of real trust. I can still see his eyes, hear his voice, pleading, begging me to help him.

Unfortunately, an Unbreakable Vow is, well, unbreakable.

I've killed before. Mostly Muggles. Never anyone I knew. And I know that the deed will haunt me the rest of my days.

As we near the clearing, I can see the Dark Lord standing there, a triumphant grin written across his face. He is pleased- his nemesis is dead. Draco shall be punished for not completing the deed; however, I know that the punishment will be something the boy can withstand. He will be among us, a true Death Eater, in no time.

In the meantime, the Dark Lord praises me for doing what he could not. I look into his eyes, and pray that before that blasted Potter boy kills me, he murders this monster first.

I want to see him on his knees, begging, pleading for a life that never existed for him.

For now, I've made my allegiance clear; there is no turning back. Regrettably, this is **not** the side I wished to be on.

"_Severus…please…"_

Gods, **_what have I done_**?  
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A/N: Next Chapter is Lupin's POV.


	2. Isn't it Beautiful?

A/N: The italics in this Chapter are from Chapter 28: The Phoenix Lament. Well, the dialogue is. Lupin's point of view on the events, however, is my own invention. I do not own these characters; JK Rowling does. Also, the lyrics are actually translated from a Japanese song (the theme from FFX, _Suteki Da Ne?)_

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_The wind, its halting words are a gentle illusion  
The clouds, the broken future like a distant voice  
The moon, a heart flowing in the clouded mirror  
The stars, broken and swaying, like tears unable to be hidden  
__**Isn't it beautiful  
**To walk together hand in hand  
I do so want to go..._

"Suteki Da Ne (Isn't it Beauitful)"-Rikki  
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I lie in my bed back in Grimmauld place, desperately trying to rest. I even cover my face with my hands, a futile attempt at blocking out the thin sliver of moonlight that makes its way through my window. However, sleep eludes me as my mind replays the evening's events.

"_Ron- Dumbledore's dead." The youngest Weasley speaks in a voice that's barely above a whisper._

"_No!" I cry out, looking between Ginny and Harry, begging one of them to laugh and tell me that she is joking. Neither speaks. A sharp, white-hot lance of grief cuts through me and I am no longer able to stand. I stagger back and collapse into the chair next to Bill Weasley's bed. I cover my face with my hands. Dear God, it's all over. Dumbledore is…gone…_

_Tonks speaks and she sounds so far away…_

"_How did he die? How did it happen?"_

_Harry's voice sounds hollow. "Snape killed him." _

Please, this is a dream. Snape is one of the Order- our spy. He couldn't have…

"_I was there, I saw it. We arrived back on the Astronomy tower because that's where the Mark was."_

This is a horrible dream. I must wake up, and soon.

"…_Dumbledore was ill, he was weak, but…"_

This isn't a dream…

"_I think he realized it was a trap when we heard footsteps running up the stairs."_

The palms of my hands are drenched with…tears?

"_He immobilized me, I couldn't do anything, I was under the Invisibility Cloak-" _

I'm crying for the first time since Lily and James died.

"_-and then Malfoy came through the door and disarmed him-"_

I do not cry. I didn't cry when Sirius died. I didn't even cry when I was bitten by Greyback. Because I knew there would be a future for me because Dumbledore ran Hogwarts and he…

"_-more Death Eaters arrived-"_

…He would **never** turn someone in need away…

"_-and then Snape-"_

…and he now he's gone because…

"_-and Snape did it."_

…Severus Snape…

"_The Avada Kedavra."_

…killed him.

_Someone is crying, sobbing uncontrollably. Ginny's voice cuts through with a soft reprimand, "Shh! Listen!"_

_The room is silent for but a moment. And then we all hear what the girl had heard. _

_Fawkes' lament._

_The bird's voice is like the musical incarnation of despair. And so we listen, the phoenix's song voicing our anguish in beautiful notes, the music sounding as unearthly, unbelievable as what had just come to past._

The door opens and I sit up, forcefully wiping my eyes. The room is dark, save for the pieces illuminated by the moon. The door, however, is cast in shadow. I hear soft footsteps as the intruder enters and a quiet voice whispers, "Did I wake you up?"

"Not at all, Tonks, I couldn't sleep."

"Neither could I," she seats herself on the foot of my bed. "I wanted to talk to you."

I want to talk to you too, Tonks, after what you said in the Hospital Wing.

"_You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"_

Though I still stand firmly behind what I said in there. I wish things were different, I truly do. I wish I was normal, so that I could be worthy of your love.

"_It's different. Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"_

However, perhaps you do have a point-

"_But I don't care either, I don't care! I've told you a million times…"_

Love doesn't rely on appearances. And it will gladly put the most cautious of people in danger.

"_And I've told you a million times that I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous…"_

"R-Remus?" She whispers. "Are-are you ok?"

"Yes, I'll be fine," I move to sit myself on the end of my bed next to her. The old springs creak in protest as I reposition myself. Not wanting to meet her eyes, I look out the window at the moon. "**Isn't it beautiful**?"

"Hmm?" She glances at me, confused.

"The moon," I reply. "It's so…weird. The moon, the stars, are all so beautiful, despite all that's happened."

She nods. "I know what you mean. It feels like… like it should be raining."

"I have the feeling that tonight would still be beautiful, even if it was raining."

"Why?"

"Because we're so lucky to be alive after tonight. We- all of us- could have died tonight. But, instead, here we are," It seems so hard to explain what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, that I just talk, knowing that she'll listen. I stand and begin to pace before continuing. "Dumbledore died tonight. He, a man whom we all thought would live forever, died. He was well on his way to being two hundred years old and he was brought down by a man he taught and trusted. His death reminds us just how mortal we are. We won't live forever. Many of us won't live to see Christmas. I'll be lucky to see my 37th birthday," Tonks is watching me, her expression rapt. "Tonight is beautiful because neither of us know how many 'tonights' we have left. A teacher and mentor to the last, Dumbledore's death has taught us the meaning of 'Carpe diem'- Seize the Day. And I guarantee that that lesson is what made you speak so frankly in the Hospital Wing earlier."

Her eyes widen, but I can tell by the look on her face she was expecting me to mention it at some point. She opens her mouth, but I cut across before she can speak, knowing that I need to verbalize my thoughts on the matter before I lose my nerve.

"I've been thinking about what you said. I still think I'm too old for you, too dangerous, however-"

"_Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world."_

"If you… if you want to try it, then I guess… I guess I'm ok with that."

There. I said it. I stop pacing and turn to face her, carefully gauging her reaction.

She stands slowly, clasping and unclasping her hands nervously. I can see her smiling in the moonlight as she looks up at me, that beautiful smile of hers alighting her face.

"R-really?"

I nod and she laughs. It is the most beautiful sound in the world. It sounds almost insanely joyous, a sharp contrast to Fawkes' song earlier. If the bird's music was pure sorrow at losing a loved one, Tonks' laugh is the epitome of happiness. She steps forward and I can see the silvery tears on her  
face.

As she continues forward, she trips on the carpet and falls. I catch her easily and pull her into a tight hug. She returns the embrace, albeit a little clumsily and when I look down to kiss her forehead, I notice something.

Her hair is a shockingly vivid bubblegum pink.

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A/N: Wow, this chapter is much longer than the previous one, much longer than IK intended. I've decided to not only do four chapters, one from each characters' POV, but also a fifth, third person chapter that shows the funeral for each of them. As always, read and review! Next Chapter: Malfoy.


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